A Moment Missed

It's 1:25am February 13th. I don't know the day of the week because--well that's just the norm. Today is a B day, B9 to be exact. I just showered and resolved to go to bed, rather than try to stay up and study for my first exam. As I layed down I couldn't help but to reflect on an "ah ha" moment I experienced today. 

It was dinner time, I was eating outside on the 6 deck with the inter-port students for Vietnam, and I began to quiet myself. The table, full of students; continued talking and questioning Fu, and Janet (I suppose this is the American name she chose for herself) about things to do in Vietnam and Cambodia. But slowly their voices fainted and if began to be fully present in the moment. I looked around and noticed nothing but water, and was amazed at the idea that we were on a ship somewhere off the coast of east Asia in the middle of the ocean. This was symbolic. I thought about life and how we as human beings are these energy forces, physical beings in the space of life/the universe, just as the ship is in ocean. I began to think deeper about how in my own life I am the ship, with a chartered course; one that I can't yet see but know that if I stay on course will arrive at my destination. I thought about how I in my life, and just as the ship must be prepared for strong winds, rough waves and swells, and inclement weather. I thought about how I too am in the center of space and time, passing through both night and day. And then nothing...

I stopped thinking. And I knew it was then, in that moment that I had arrived. I was there; at that space that I longed to be in. A space of complete zin, peace, stillness. I could see myself sitting on the deck, observing the waves and the beauty of nature. It was quiet and I was fully present in the moment. I had acknowledged that I was here. I was conscious of the world around and fully present in the now. I felt this. And i began thinking again. My first thought was to a wonderance of how I could document this moment. How could I share this with everyone at home, my journal I thought. And it was just that a thought, and as strong as it was, it wouldn't allow me to move. I couldn't get up, as much as I wanted to run and grab my journal or my laptop I couldn't. It was me, I believe that I was to share this moment with. I want to believe that a much as a I wanted to share this with someone else, I first, had to understand and experience it for myself. I wa not sad, or angry, but as I came out of his "ah ha" moment I couldn't help but to think back of why I couldn't get up to go grab my journal or my laptop. I just thought that this was a moment missed. I have no explanation for this phenomenon but I know what I felt. What I saw. What I experienced. 

This was a moment missed...

Lesson on Fear

The water was rather cold. I had hiked down a hill, jumped in a lagoon; swam across it, climbed over volcanic rocks, and began to swim across another lagoon. The view was beautiful. This was rainbow falls. Usually tourist would be at the top of the waterfall, gazing over the scenery per the instruction if a your guide; but, because I'm not tourist, but rather a travler--my group of friends and I decided to get up close and experience rainbow falls like no other. I was super excited, and my friend raj was just as pumped as I was. We swam across the last lagoon, and found ourself at the bottom of Rainbow Falls. While the pressure of the water was too strong to stand directly under, I spent just enough time near the edge that I could feel splashes of the water on my back and arm. This was surreal. We were in Rainbow Falls. 

A short while later, after some splashing, yelling in excitement, and cannonballs into the lagoon, we noticed a cliff to the left of the water fall. Thanks to Ky; who had jumped off the cliff, making realize it was there, we all knew it was something that we had to do. Raj and I began following after Madison and Christina (who were in front of us) climbing up the cliff. The cliff was surrounded by brush and vines whic created a net like ladder for us to navigate up. I guess I was so excited I forgot about my fear of heights. In the back of my mind I thought I would just climb up the cliff and then climb down, but the more I climbed the less I thought. Excitement it was, until I reached the top and realized this was a one way up one way down" type of scenario. The whole time I recount myself yelling repeatedly "there's no such thing as fear, except fear itlsef." I kept telling that until Maddison corrected me saying "Brian, that's wrong! (Laughing) the only thing to fear is fear itself." I then began yelling that! By the time I had reached the too--Splash! Maddison and Christina had jumped. The time time I saw maddie, was when her head reseurface from the turquoise lagoon. I grabbed raj and told him we had to jump together. 

Out of the night that covers me

Email to Friends- 31/3/14 13:41

Friend-

I first heard these words when I was in high school. I had been away at the NAS Oceana Military Base in Virginia Beach, Virginia for Leadership Academy in the Naval Junior Reserve Officer Training Corps (NJROTC) Program. The night was dark, I was tired, exhausted, and worn out to say the least. The marines had worked us to the core. They pushed us to our limits, both physically and mentally. I thought I was going to die, I wanted to quit. My head was bowed, my body slumped over as I struggled to catch my breath; then, I heard those words: 

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

One of the cadets had mustered up the strength from what ever energy he had left in him and recited this poem. He repeated the last two lines over and over, looking me dead in the eye until I found myself saying them as well. The other cadets in our bunker joined in. I had never heard something that moved me so much as this--Invictus. In that moment we knew we were all we had. We knew that we could do this. Being in JROTC is my proudest accomplishment to date. It disciplined me, instilled in me the navy's core values of honor, courage, and commitment, and exposed me to this poem. This poem has gotten me through my darkest hours. Out of the night that covers me.

I write this piece of correspondence as I am sitting at a small cafe waiting on the ferry that will take me to Robben Island. I am thinking about Nelson Mandela, the man that he was, the man that he became, and the man that he will be to generations that come. I am thinking about his legacy and how through his darkest hours he found peace and solidarity. I am preparing myself to be in a space that will change my life forever. 

This is day 4 out of our 6 day stay in Cape Town. I have visited a Township; distributing TOMS Shoes as a part of a Shoe Drop, District 6 Apartheid Museum and hiked up Signal Point. Perhaps I'll hike to the top of Table Mountain (Picture Included). I am blessed because of you-and I just want to say thank you for everything...

"I have learnt that even though there are horrors facing our world, there is goid buried within it, evident in those willing to reach out a hand or heart to help. I firmly believe that the life of one person, if helped, can change the course of the world, as you never know who that little girl or boy could be or could achieve." -Ashley Kaimowitz 

Brian Stewart

White House Intern OFL 2013
Semester at Sea Spring 2014
Morgan State University 2015
B.S. Business Administration -

International Relations

Brian Stewart

White House Intern OFL 2013
Semester at Sea Spring 2014
Morgan State University 2015
B.S. Business Administration - International Relations

Reflection on Burma/Myanmar

The time is 5:42am. Myself, Bobbi, Jasmine, and our new friend--Josh have just arrived back at the hotel from a night out on the town. As I prepare for bed; only to wake up in 3 hours, I can't help but to reflect on my experience of this amazing country. 

Before we arrived in Burma/Myanmar, I had been given a wealth of knowledge about the country, it's history, and the political and economic challenges the country face today. This new found knowledge came from the faculty and staff, and proved to helpful as we arrived in the country. To my surpise, my experiences was unforgettable. 

The people were so humble, and content. You could see the poverty on their faces, the struggle on their dress, but their spirits were unbroken. They were so prideful in the work they did. Try were so helpful and willing to go the extra mile to help you when needed. And this they all did from a place of peace.