While reviewing submissions for my book during the Christmas holiday, I couldn't help but to share this submission with one of my friends. Without any information I began dictating the essay aloud. I read the essay as if I were the author. And to my surprise, as I read the last line, my attention to the words on the page was disrupted by sobs and tears. My friend had connected with the piece, they empathized with the author, and such feelings evoked a variety of emotions. This particular friend is heterosexual, and was completely moved by the piece. For the authors safety I will not release any details abou the work other than the title: You Have It Better
I am still accepting submissions for my book, and you can learn about how to make a submission here: Untold Stories - Narratives of the Young Gifted and Gay CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS
"You have it better. You
don't have to hide your attractions. You live in a country where it's actually
up for discussion and you're allowed to have a say without fearing for your
actual existence. A country where people like you dominate in all sectors of the
economy, Hollywood, law, sports it's an endless list. I know it's not perfect
but it's not my situation. See I'm an African, that much I can tell you, but as
far as I'm concerned there is an evil in me. Funny, in these parts that's the
same diagnosis for pretty much any form of behaviour that deviates from the
norm. My earliest memory of my difference would be a seven year old me. When
that little boy lured me to the swings and planted a wet one on me. I didn't
pull back, I wasn't disgusted, I felt as warm inside as the cheese in a
croissant sold on the streets of New York. Pretty much everything after that
was so complicated the Kardashian's life don't come close. The hiding, the
pretense, the hyperventilating that followed a subtle brush of his arm against
mine, stolen as we stood among a group of friends. That's how it's always been
ever since. Not for long though, soon after, he succumbed to society and got
himself a pretend girlfriend and closed the chapter on us. I believe he's
living DL. Then again, who isn't in these parts? The lifestyle has been reduced
to sex and nothing else, well you cannot for the life of you attempt a
relationship. Here's why, no one ever admits it. Unless people start wearing
signs on their foreheads you don't know who is up for consideration. All I get
are a couple of sex hungry people who hit me up on social media because they
are certain from my pictures that I swing their way. Can you blame them? That's
all we have, people cannot be more, forget holding hands in public or even
having dinner together. The closest thing to a date is when two DL men double
date with their beards in tow. I digress, growing up I've learnt a few things
that has kept me alive and out of jail. Get a beard, pretend to love football
and publicly profess hate for homosexuals. That's how you throw them off, hate.
I am a Christian, I believe in God and contrary to what most people believe I
did not choose to be this way. I mean who would choose a path filled with lies
and pretense and constant bashing? The number of times I sit among friends who
openly insult gay people is more than the number of swear words used in that
movie Wolf of Wall-street. In high school I kinda gave up on God, yea I did
because why would he make me this way and sit while his followers were utterly
convinced that a demon inside of me had to be behind my attractions. That
heterosexuals can fornicate from now till doomsday and there will still be no
greater sin than my actual existence. I came back eventually, but I guess the
big guy and I have agreed to disagree. Someone once said that I was made this
way for a purpose only God knows so I await that. I've learnt that so long as I
live here, I don't have the option of falling in love, I'm never going to know
how it feels to be able to profess my love for someone in the presence of my
family or even talk about my non-existent boyfriend with my friends. I'm
probably going to keep coming up with excuses for why I'm still single years
from now but I am sure I will find a way around it. See I do not believe in
faking it with any girl because no human needs to be played with like that. For
now I live vicariously through Beyoncé and my plethora of youtubers (shout out
to miles jai, Kingsley and nick and ken; you give me life) Early this year I
met Brian through a study abroad experience and it was just a short time but he
opened my eyes to so much truth about our kind ( I hope I offend no one) we are
the gifted ones, we come with so much talent it's insane. When I look at my
life it is evident all around me, I founded and ran a school magazine in my
college, I have an events organizing business, I write for a company's website
and have the talent to do a host of other things. Yes I do not have love in my
life, I probably won't for a while or forever but I have my work and my
youtubers and that gets me through life every day. Some
may wonder about my family, they love me to death and I love them too. They
don't know, I won't tell them. I do not have a death wish, I do not want to
have to forget them. I am sure I sound crazy to some of you but I do not know
life any other way. So I say, you have it better. Cherish life and live it full
and well for all of us who cannot. No matter how bad it gets, remember THIS TOO
SHALL PASS. Though I doubt I'll be able to love freely and openly I secretly
hope that I can get away and get the chance to live free because I believe THIS
TOO SHALL PASS. Until then I stay strong in my facade and wish all reading this
the best in all endeavors. You are gifted beyond your imagination, own it
hunty!"
