You Have It Better

While reviewing submissions for my book during the Christmas holiday, I couldn't help but to share this submission with one of my friends. Without any information I began dictating the essay aloud. I read the essay as if I were the author. And to my surprise, as I read the last line, my attention to the words on the page was disrupted by sobs and tears. My friend had connected with the piece, they empathized with the author, and such feelings evoked a variety of emotions. This particular friend is heterosexual, and was completely moved by the piece. For the authors safety I will not release any details abou the work other than the title: You Have It Better

I am still accepting submissions for my book, and you can learn about how to make a submission here: Untold Stories - Narratives of the Young Gifted and Gay CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS

"You have it better. You don't have to hide your attractions. You live in a country where it's actually up for discussion and you're allowed to have a say without fearing for your actual existence. A country where people like you dominate in all sectors of the economy, Hollywood, law, sports it's an endless list. I know it's not perfect but it's not my situation. See I'm an African, that much I can tell you, but as far as I'm concerned there is an evil in me. Funny, in these parts that's the same diagnosis for pretty much any form of behaviour that deviates from the norm. My earliest memory of my difference would be a seven year old me. When that little boy lured me to the swings and planted a wet one on me. I didn't pull back, I wasn't disgusted, I felt as warm inside as the cheese in a croissant sold on the streets of New York. Pretty much everything after that was so complicated the Kardashian's life don't come close. The hiding, the pretense, the hyperventilating that followed a subtle brush of his arm against mine, stolen as we stood among a group of friends. That's how it's always been ever since. Not for long though, soon after, he succumbed to society and got himself a pretend girlfriend and closed the chapter on us. I believe he's living DL. Then again, who isn't in these parts? The lifestyle has been reduced to sex and nothing else, well you cannot for the life of you attempt a relationship. Here's why, no one ever admits it. Unless people start wearing signs on their foreheads you don't know who is up for consideration. All I get are a couple of sex hungry people who hit me up on social media because they are certain from my pictures that I swing their way. Can you blame them? That's all we have, people cannot be more, forget holding hands in public or even having dinner together. The closest thing to a date is when two DL men double date with their beards in tow. I digress, growing up I've learnt a few things that has kept me alive and out of jail. Get a beard, pretend to love football and publicly profess hate for homosexuals. That's how you throw them off, hate. I am a Christian, I believe in God and contrary to what most people believe I did not choose to be this way. I mean who would choose a path filled with lies and pretense and constant bashing? The number of times I sit among friends who openly insult gay people is more than the number of swear words used in that movie Wolf of Wall-street. In high school I kinda gave up on God, yea I did because why would he make me this way and sit while his followers were utterly convinced that a demon inside of me had to be behind my attractions. That heterosexuals can fornicate from now till doomsday and there will still be no greater sin than my actual existence. I came back eventually, but I guess the big guy and I have agreed to disagree. Someone once said that I was made this way for a purpose only God knows so I await that. I've learnt that so long as I live here, I don't have the option of falling in love, I'm never going to know how it feels to be able to profess my love for someone in the presence of my family or even talk about my non-existent boyfriend with my friends. I'm probably going to keep coming up with excuses for why I'm still single years from now but I am sure I will find a way around it. See I do not believe in faking it with any girl because no human needs to be played with like that. For now I live vicariously through Beyoncé and my plethora of youtubers (shout out to miles jai, Kingsley and nick and ken; you give me life) Early this year I met Brian through a study abroad experience and it was just a short time but he opened my eyes to so much truth about our kind ( I hope I offend no one) we are the gifted ones, we come with so much talent it's insane. When I look at my life it is evident all around me, I founded and ran a school magazine in my college, I have an events organizing business, I write for a company's website and have the talent to do a host of other things. Yes I do not have love in my life, I probably won't for a while or forever but I have my work and my youtubers and that gets me through life every day. Some may wonder about my family, they love me to death and I love them too. They don't know, I won't tell them. I do not have a death wish, I do not want to have to forget them. I am sure I sound crazy to some of you but I do not know life any other way. So I say, you have it better. Cherish life and live it full and well for all of us who cannot. No matter how bad it gets, remember THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Though I doubt I'll be able to love freely and openly I secretly hope that I can get away and get the chance to live free because I believe THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Until then I stay strong in my facade and wish all reading this the best in all endeavors. You are gifted beyond your imagination, own it hunty!"